My blood was boiling. It felt like the tension inside was going to break me into a million pieces. The last string of patience I could muster snapped.
My thoughts whirled.
“Why does this always have to happen?”
“Can’t I just have a few minutes of peace?!”
“That is it!”
Words spewed out of my mouth like poison.
Anger. Frustration. Bitterness.
Hurtful words. Shaming words.
Little eyes wide open, taking it all in.
Finished with my lecture, I collapsed at the kitchen table. I regained control of my racing pulse and pushed back the tears. My heart felt like it was a million pounds.
What had I done?
I opened my Bible and tried to pray. But I was overcome with remorse. I gained obedience, but at what cost?
It was then I knew that I didn’t want obedience like that. I didn’t want to teach my child (or any child) that you obey the person who hurts you. I want my child to obey me because of my calm authority as his mother, not because I know which words will cut at his heart.
I love my child and I want it to show. Even when I am frustrated.
And I must admit, I am far from perfect. The life I lead is often a messy one. However, I’m trying my best to take my parenting lessons from the best Father of all. The One who is slow to anger and abounding in mercy. The One who never shames, but holds out abundant grace and invites me to sin no more. The One who is ever just and lets me reap the consequences of what I sow, but who never deserts me along the way.
This is the Father I want my child to know as well.
So, I swallow my pride and I ask for forgiveness from the little one that I hurt, pointing him to the One who will never fail him.
Have you had a messy moment this week? I hope you will join me in casting my burdens at the feet of a Father who cares.